Child’s Age: 15 Months
Location: New York City
Fun Fact About You: I am an avid reader, yogi and reality TV junkie!
I completed my Masters in Early Childhood Education from Columbia University, Teachers College and went on to complete an Advance Certification in Special Education from Fordham University. I began my career as a preschool teacher and taught at schools all over New York City.
I created Spark Wonder to support families with their goals and understanding how to meet children where they are and reach their goals together.
IG – @sparkwonder_
What has one of your biggest parenting hurdles been?
I often heard “fed is best” but also felt this immense pressure to breastfeed. Why? I am not sure, but I did. My mom breastfed me and my sister and my mother in law breastfed both of her kids so it sort of felt like I had to as well. My body was “supposed” to feed my child so wasn’t it unnatural not to feed him if I could?
I gave in and breastfed. I’ll be honest I am a bit “granola” by nature – I love yoga, green juice, raw foods (don’t get me wrong I love sour candy and cheetos more than anyone I know) but breastfeeding felt more aligned with my healthy self. I thought it would be the best option for my baby and I wanted to start off life on the healthiest note possible.
I didn’t know picking the healthiest option for him would be the most unhealthy option for me. Why doesn’t anyone talk about that? Sure MAYBE just MAYBE breastfeeding is healthier for the baby but what does it do to mom?
I had terrible postpartum depression. The baby blues quickly turned into full blown PPD. I dreaded certain hours of the day, I felt nauseous at every letdown, I went to sleep on edge because I would be woken up again. I was the only one who could feed him and sooth him. My son never cared for the bottle, he still didn’t at 7 months old. That added to the downfall of my mental health. I was on call 24/7, still am. But no one talks about that. When I tried to tell my doctor how I was feeling she said there were anti depressants I could take that were safe while breastfeeding but I didn’t need them. Okay so what did I need? What was the alternative? As far as I know, there wasn’t one.
No one talks about how on the days when you don’t have any appetite you force yourself to eat so you can feed your baby. No one talks about how often you cry and feel guilty about crying.
The truth is I was falling apart piece by piece every single day and breastfeeding was the reason for that. The biggest truth is that knowing this little boy was dependent on me and only me gave me the strength to keep going everyday! In a way it was a blessing and a curse. Breastfeeding may have saved my life but it also felt like it was killing me.
I think what mostly helped is when my son started taking the bottle and I introduced formula. My son went through MAJOR bottle refusal for months and then one day he started taking it again. This allowed me to be away from him and not let my fear of him starving take over. Other than that it was mostly time.
What has one of your proudest parenting moments been?
My proudest moment is when I got out of the grey clouds of PPD and finally felt like I could enjoy my time with my son. His smile felt brighter, his laugh felt louder and I felt saner!
What’s the parenting advice you wish you got?
I wish someone told me not to worry about my birth plan but my post partum plan!
As an expert in your field, what’s one piece of advice you want to share with parents?
Don’t do this alone, there is no prize to be won. Create your own village and lean on them!
What’s a perfect parenting product you used?
My recliner! It is one of the most used piece of furniture!
What new things are happening in your child’s life this month?
Reyaan is getting his molars and almost has all his teeth now! He is more opinionated about food and recently we learned he loves olives! My husband travels a lot for work so I am navigating solo parenting.